Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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