OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
