Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
