Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
