Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
