I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
