Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
