How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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