After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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