2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
