Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize