I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
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If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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