I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You took a bar mat shot.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
