u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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