Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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