I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
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