White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
