remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
