This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
