Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i just made my gag reflex go away.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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