Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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