he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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