Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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