Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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