I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
