part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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