did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
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your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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