pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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