Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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