peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
