i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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