She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
