apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
