Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
