Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
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I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
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HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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