dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
