you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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