i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
