super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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