When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
