she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
