Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Randomize
