In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
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come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
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Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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