hell yes lets make some ravioli
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
