Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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