life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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