He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
