I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
