Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
