he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
