TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
