I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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