i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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