you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
