We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
