Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
