If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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