Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize