maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
