Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
