then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize