today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I think I sprained my soul last night
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
My vagina just clenched in fear
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
