ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
