I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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