Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
