Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
