1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Randomize
