Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I stole a fireplace last night.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
